red card
You're quite right. It's a beautiful world but it would be so much better without so many people in it, causing wars, dropping bombs, firing weapons, stealing resources etc. We could have saved the planet but we were too lazy and selfish to do so.
Let's have some gentle escapism. How about a website that talks about non-professional football in England and Scotland? And maybe Wales too if I ever get around to it, although the people of Wales tend to prefer that other game, the one played with an oval ball that has rules you have to be Welsh to understand.
What's that? Let's do it?
OK .
Note: Some of the following is shite. For a more informed view, and a link to some grand photographs, please move directly to Page 4.
Selected old stuff can now be found in the Archive.
Wigtown & Bladnoch followers turning up for the match against Locahr Thistle at Trammandford Park on 8 November were in for a serious disappointment. It wasn't so much that Wigtown lost 10-0 as the fact that the match had been switched to Dumfries so all they had to look at was an empty, boggy field. The South of Scotland League website, which is written by a robot, had failed to mention that the game wasn't being played at Wigtown's usual home.
Bloody Bonfire Night! A stray firework on 5 November scorched the artificial pitch at the Myra Shay ground in Bradford, creating a problem for the two teams that play there, Albion Sports and Route One Rovers. This meant that Albion had to play their FA Vase tie at Brighouse's ground in front of a pitifully small number of spectators. It was either that, or switch the tie to Barrow, where their opponents Holker OB come from. It was quite late in the day that Albion knew who their opponents would be, since penalty shootout confusion had led to Holker's win at Wythenshawe being cancelled out, forcing a replay in the week.
Route One Rovers are a team representing the Islamic community in Bradford and, I expect, other parts of West Yorkshire as well. Dunno whether they live up - or down - to their title but they are certainly having a successful season in the Northern Counties East League and it will be a pity if they have to play all their games away from home while the pitch is being mended.
Last year I watched a match between Darlington Town and Washington in which a player was sent off for - I think - sexist abuse of the woman ref and/or her lineswomen. The reason I got that impression was that one of his own Darlo Town team mates could be heard yelling at the offender to shut the fuck up just before the ref got her red card out.
It's not just players, of course. This season the Coventry Sphinx v AFC Rushden & Diamonds match was abandoned at half time after a women official was called a slag by a loudmouthed misogynist among the spectators. When he couldn't be identified, the victim told the managers of the teams that she didn't want to officiate inthe second half because her feelings were hurt.
Sadly, while most fans sympathise, one or two have commented that the official is a snowflake and that teams will, in future, make offensive remarks when they are losing in an attempt to get the match abandoned. There's an obvious solution here: or rather two solutions, viz:
1 Don't be a gobshite
2 If a team is losing, and its players or supporters try to get the match abandoned, let the result stand and fine them 10 points.
Two years ago, there were 4 divisions between Blyth Spartans and their upstart neighbours Blyth Town. 2 relegations for Spartans and a couple of promotions for Town have led to the almost unthinkable consequence of both teams taking part in the same league viz. the Northern Premier League East division. But the tale appears not to have ended there since the two teams are now both in the relegation zone and need to pull their socks up to avoid being relegated to the Northern League.
Spartans' ground is one of the best non-league stadia in the North of England, so while it's a bit sad for it to be hosting a team in such decline, at least fans of other Northern League teams - should the worst come to the worst - will enjoy visiting it.
Blyth Spartans made their name in the Northern League, of course, where they and Spennymoor United used to be a sort of mini Old Firm. It's a shame that the League, which provided so many Amateur Cup winners in its heyday, is now just another Step 5 division shorn of famous names like Spartans, Spenny and Bishop Auckland. Meanwhile, the once-feared Tow Law Town and Billingham Synthonia are currently struggling to avoid joining former Amateur Cup winners Willington at Step 7.
Synners used to play in front of this smashing 2000-capacity cantilever stand. Nowadays they don't even host matches in their home town. Exiled from Central Avenue in 2017, they are presently sharing with Stockton Town, while Billingham Town's tenants are Yarm & Eaglescliffe, a team whose claim to fame is unique, to the best of my knowledge. Although they don't have a ground in either Yarm or Eaglescliffe, the two wee towns they are named after are on opposite sides of the River Tees, which means they are in different counties. Yarm is in Yorkshire - the North Riding for those of us who are still firmly rooted in the 1960s - and Eaglescliffe in County Durham.
As for Tow Law, only 40 paying spectators turned up at their neat and tidy Ironworks Road ground to watch them lose 0-3 against FC Hartlepool. Regardless of the club's name, Tow Law is a village, with a population of under 2,000, so it's a wonder they have managed to be so competitive for so long. Their big moment came in 1967, when they walloped Mansfield 5-1 in the FA Cup. The original match was abandoned at half time because of a gale. Mansfield probably thought that in more clement weather they might have a better chance when the game was played again, but not so.
This looks like a colour clash, doesn't it? It's a photo from the Dunfermline Press of an East of Scotland League game that took place last season. It's tough to tell the teams apart.
There's no need for this to happen. Recently, Farnham Town turned up at Havant & Waterlooville with an unecessary change strip that looked so much like Havant's from the back that the ref made the kit man go back to Farnham and fetch their proper kit. By the time he got back, his team had complained about the state of the pitch and the game was postponed after all.
Last season Dorking arrived for the first match at Truro's new ground and took the field wearing a strip almost identical to Truro's own. How long would it have taken to check what colours Truro play in? 2 minutes?
Hearing that Uncle Fred is moving to Arnold reminded me that I passed my driving test there in 1982. The town had 2 football clubs then: Arnold Kingwell, an amateur side, played on a field on a 1930s suburban jousing estate, while Arnold FC were members of the Midland League, had a nice ground in a park in the town centre, and sometimes reached the first round of the FA Cup.
All began to change when Kingswell's ground was just too tempting for developers to ignore, so the 2 clubs merged into Arnold Town. The new club started off successfully in the new Central Midlands League, but hit the skids after leaving their lovely King Edward V ground and, after a nomadic year, moving to a truly awful new site 2 or 3 miles away from town. The Eagle Valley Sports Complex is literally in the middle of nowhere. Whereas the old ground was (and still is) in an area with shops, houses and people - the new place is like the planet Skaro. There's nothing there but desolation!
Arnold Town now play in the Nottinghamshire Senior League, so far down the pyramid as to be invisble, which wouldn't matter if the original Arnold FC hadn't been a part of the town and a relatively successful and popular club. Now they are watched by nobody, and have no real connection to the town that forms their name. It's fair to say that it's very unlikely indeed that the name Arnold will ever appear in the draw for the FA Cup again.
Not saying there's an excess of Towns in English non-league football but the 3 fixtures in the Northern Premier League's top division on 14 October were Ashton United v Hebburn Town, Morpeth Town v Cleethorpes Town and Whitby Town v Hednesford Town, action from which is pictured below by Whitby's photographer. Winter's here and gloves are on.
Uxbridge FC's promotion from the Isthmian League South Central Division to the Southern League Premier Division South has had the unwanted spin-off of increasing the price of admission by 60%. Part of Uxbridge's ethos is that watching football should be affordable, but the Southern League forced them to charge £8 per match, which is the minimum they allow, instead of £5, which the club intended.
There's no rule about the price of season tickets, though, so fans can pay £50 and see a whole season at the club's ground, Honeycroft.
I'm commited to not paying more than a tenner to watch football, though the threshold might be adjusted in line with future inflation. Should I ever find myself in the vicinity of West Drayton or Stockley Park, which admittedly isn't very likely, there's no reason why I shouldn't go along and watch Uxbridge in action.
Over 50 years ago I saw Southend winger Peter Taylor cut Chesterfield's defenders a new arsehole apiece in a 4-2 win at Saltergate. Fast forward to October 2025 and 72 year old Peter has resigned as manager of Isthmian League strugglers Canvey Island. He previously managed a whole load of teams including, for a 4-match spell in 1990, England.
Canvey Island's ground is largely below sea level so it probably won't matter who the club's manager is by 2050 because the stadium is likely to be under water. Peter Taylor will be 97 by then but he will probably still be in charge of a football club somewhere.
Glasshoughton Welfare are having a bad season in the Northern Counties East First (i.e. Second) Division, but at least on 4 October they were only a respectable 3-1 down against Armthorpe by the 88th minute. They were still in with a slim chance of fighting back and gaining a point, but instead Armthorpe scored another 5 of their own before the final whistle.
Radio Sheffield's non-league man Brian Bradley (RIP) would have had something to say about it, for sure. Brian's catchphrase was "and so it proved" as in "it looked like being a tough game for Maltby Main at Muglet Lane this afternoon, and so it proved."
In 1984, during the Miners's Strike, Brian wept on air while describing the fierce fighting that halted a Cup tie between Frickley Athletic and Stalybridge Celtic and carried on in the streets of South Elmsall, between the ground and the railway station, while the match was being played to a finish.
The miners at Frickley Colliery used to fund their team with a levy taken from their wages. The closure of the pit accounts for the club's decline from the Alliance Premier League to the Northern Counties East. Good friendships were made during the Strike, though, particularly with the London dockers' side Fisher, whose fans paid for Frickley supporters to travel down to Rotherhithe for their APL fixture, and with boxer Roy Jones Jr, who travelled from the USA to Yorkshire to give financial and practical support to the miners' families.
Nice try. Jack Rice of Taunton Town was sent off after 20 seconds against Plymouth Parkway but this is not the quickest red card of all time. Far from it, in fact. It's not even the fastest sending off involving a team from Taunton. A laddie lasted 2 seconds in a Sunday League game in 2000 before he was dismissed for complaining that the ref had blown his whistle too loudly.
The Central Midlands Alliance League North table shows Graham Street Prims and Borrowash Victoria first and second. These 2 clubs' home grounds in Spondon are so close to each other that they share a car park, but they are not traditional local rivals because the Prims originated in a different part of Derby. Besides, both teams wear red and white striped shirts and black shorts and you can't have rivals wearing the same colours as each other. Borrowash Vics have the better-appointed ground; there's actually another - very muddy - pitch between them but they are closer even than Dundee and Dundee United.
Their names give a clue to the longevity of both clubs; Victoria after the old Queen and Prims being short for Primitive Methodists, which is probably no longer a requirement for the team's players. When the two next meet, in a top of the table clash, there'll be no need for the away side to travel by luxury coach.
